Posts tagged ‘george orwell’

June 28, 2012

The time has come, folks, to rock the VOTEMEAL: The Political Issue!

Good evening, our fellow breakfast enthusiasts.

This is a public service announcement from your friends here at Oatmeal Headquarters. As you may know, we aim for democracy within these walls abristle with whims and ideas. But not all ships are run quite as tightly as that of Oatmeal Magazine, clipping along the frothy waves with the exuberance of one thousand giggling babies. No, there is a whole gamut of political structures and tangles out there in that wild, bustling world. And we want to make Oatmeal’s Issue #4 all about it! And thus we invite you to join us in Votemeal: The Political Issue. The submission deadline is one month away: Sunday, July 29th!

While we are giddy about this whole new flavor for the magazine, we are also always open to all things oatmealbowloutside of our theme. Especially in this case. George Orwell wrote, “it is invariably where I lacked a political purpose that I wrote lifeless books and was betrayed into purple passages, sentences without meaning, decorative adjectives and humbug generally.” Well, we kinda like humbug and decorative adjectives, but he also suggests that (purposeful) writing is inherently political! We make choices for each delicate little word, much like we select our leaders… voting is a way to express yourself, and Oatmeal is a space for voices to be heard! Submit your voice! Rock the votemeal! We will feed you in so many ways.

In a dawn humid with the mists of transition and debate, we at Oatmeal HQ felt our bellies contracting, our lips twitching, our palms perspiring. We had that undeniable urge to do something, as they say. So we concluded that the time had come — perhaps this comes as no surprise to some of you (true fans) out there — for Master Oatmeal to run for president. It is indeed a tremendous game-changer. We know what you’re thinking. “How can he possibly catch up with Obama and Romney with so little time to fundraise?” And for that brief cloud of anxiety, we apologize. But we will make up for lost time! That’s where you, most faithful oatmeal eaters, come in. Master Oatmeal, upon agreeing to run, insisted that we set up a Super PAC so that he could do some damage with supremely breakfasty fundraising (can anyone say “Grand Slam?”).

The Oatmeal Party has spoken. We endorse Master Oatmeal. And we hope that you will, too.

While traditional submissions will certainly serve as generous, gourmet endorsements (really! as always!), we are also looking for real money, if you have even the measliest jingle of pocket change to spare. (PayPal account coming in 3 days! Be sure to come back!) Don’t you want a “Rock the Votemeal” shirt, with Master Oatmeal’s face on it, and other amazing Oatmeal swag? We sure do. Don’t you want our next ongoing project, OatMAIL, to be totally fabulous? Well. We have news for you. These things will be wonderful. Because we love you all!

A word on OatMAIL: If you want to receive real-life, tactile letters from us with scraps of ideas, doodles, prints, and stamps… thank you. That is so incredibly flattering. We hope to receive mail from you, too! Here is a link to our OatMAIL sign-up. This has been bubbling in the Crockpot for far too long.

Forthcoming: Exciting news on our changin’ management! Master Oatmeal’s official poster image, quotes from his steamily tense debates, and all of his political views in a compact presidential candidate profile! We will have polls, we will have puns. Nourish his Super PAC, and you will win access to a beautiful magazine when it’s released and, if you so desire, a package of OatMAIL!

That was a lot of information. Go treat yourself to a snack! Then get back to writing.

Master Oatmeal’s approval ratings of you are through the ROOF,
The Oatmeal Clan