Physics for Future Relationships

by Trisha Remetir

“It’s been proven that looking at someone you find attractive affects you not only emotionally, but physically. And there’s scientific evidence to prove this, folks. You know those poems and novels you read about a woman’s big eyes? ‘She had the biggest blue eyes I ever saw…’ or ‘his eyes, as big and shiny as diamonds,’ you know, all of those things you find in romance novels and fiction? Well, psychologists implemented a study that measured the dilation of a person’s pupils as they looked into their partner’s eyes. They took a lot of couples—people who were married or in love—sat them in front of each other and pointed a measuring device at each of the subject’s eyes. After mounds and mounds of data, they finally allowed us to fully validate this whole wide-eyed beauty ordeal.

But of course you guys already know that. You don’t need science to prove something’s true. I tried that with my wife once, although she was my girlfriend at the time. I was 28 and she was 25. We were driving in a car. It was hot and we were waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Well, we looked at each other, and I watched her pupils grow big, and she watched my pupils grow bigger, and both of our pupils just kept continuing to grow and grow until we eventually exploded!”

The whole class laughed.

“Really. That was the moment I decided she was the one.”

The clock ticked past the half hour, signaling the end of the lesson. Students shuffled notes against desks and zipped up their backpacks.

“So there you have it folks. Science and love in perfect harmony. And don’t forget, chapter 8 is included in the midterm so please review the terms on 118. Bye for now.”

Trisha Remetir once ate fifteen tacos on a Del Taco Taco Tuesday evening.

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