Corncakes Recipe, by Teddy Forscher

Serves 3-4, or one, depending.

Before convincing yourself that your motor skills are still intact enough from last night to embark upon this mission, hobble over to the sink and make sure there are no impromptu science experiments in it – or small children.  In the event of a small child, please refer to Cherub Stew recipe.


  • ½ cup cornmeal
  • 1 T sugar
  • ½ t salt
  • 1 cup boiling water, hopefully pre-packaged.
  • 2 eggs, separated – not like your parents.
  • 1 cup flour, not to be confused with the other white substances strewn about the kitchen.
  • 1 T baking powder; it has been done with gunpowder before, but be careful of your stovetop’s enthusiasm.
  • 1 cup milk; preferably from the breast of a Cambodian.
  • ¼ cup vegetable oil; yes, this is a perfect time to empty out the hash oil sitting in your bong sack, it hasn’t been living up to its full potential anyway.
  • 1 cup blueberries, if desired.  Or snozzberries, if so inclined.


  1. Stir cornmeal into boiling water. Lower heat. Cook and stir until mixture thickens. While letting mixture cool, put on safety goggles, just in case.  Now is an opportune time to inquire as to the identity of the bum on your couch, he will most certainly want his portion.
  2. Sift flour, baking powder, salt and sugar together.  A grinder can be used in place of sifter if need be. (Time to find the last roach of the night, and devise a way to cure the roadwork going on inside your head.)
  3. Beat egg yolks and add to cornmeal, stirring.
  4. Stir in flour mixture.
  5. Stir in milk and oil.  White Russian not only acceptable, but recommended.
  6. Beat egg whites ‘til stiff and fold into batter.  Fold in berries, if using.
  7. Oil griddle or frying pan and heat. When oil is hot (a drop of batter will fry immediately), ladle about 1/3 cup of batter per pancake. Cook until brown on 1 side, then flip and cook other side.  Feel free to go big and make the largest pancake known to man, just consult the Guinness book first.
  8. Serve with syrup or jam.
  9. If roommates are still sleeping, wake with pancake slap.

Teddy Forscher is a firm believer in life as LEGOs.

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