Archive for ‘Uncategorized’

July 23, 2012

Master Oatmeal: Promoting literacy and reforming breakfast nation-wide

Fellow Oatmeal Party rank-and-file!

Look what time it is (12:00am on Monday, July 23rd). We are a mere week away from our FOURTH submission deadline! (***Sunday, July 29th!***) We are also in the thick of Master Oatmeal’s whistle-stop presidential campaign, which is going as smoothly as warm apple butter on whole grain toast, or, some may say, as the Oat Express traverses America.

Master Oatmeal has been doing some big things for our nation this month. We sent him off with a cross-country coach ticket for the novel and winding Oat Express, a bottle of bubbly and some fine dessert oat pancakes tucked into his insulated lunchbox. On said train, he has been distributing Word of Oatmeal pamphlets, pontificating atop empty seats and planting literary seeds in the nooks and crannies of this lovely land of ours.

At every stop, in every little town (especially those that specialize in oat agriculture), he hops off and enjoys a slice of apple pie, then hosts a reading (of Oatmeal Magazine, of course) in a bookstore, followed by a writing workshop with his fleet of tutors. He will not sleep as long as the United States sheepishly cedes to its ranking of 46th most literate in the world! Master Oatmeal is the literary pioneer who, wild turkey quill in hand, will lead us all to a brighter, more educated nation — to the America of that oft-referred Tomorrow. In addition to his main push for education and literacy, he emphasizes the importance of healthy communities: he cooks everyone a big pot of flax-rich oatmeal before he skips town and continues along the campaign trail, gracefully leaping aboard the Oat Express, waving his handkerchief and blowing kisses from his open window. His campaign can be mapped by trails of spilt oats.

He has exhausted his carrier doves, flooding the Oatmeal HQ mailbox with delightful postcards in which he describes adorable children’s tales about vegetable detectives and neurotic dinosaurs. Here is one of those postcards (he’s also learning how to water color):

In any case, back to Votemeal matters. WE HAVE A FLASH FICTION CONTEST UNDERWAY! This is your chance to write a manifesto for anything. Anything! The deadline for that is Saturday, August 4th.

We also want your non-flash writerly bits! Tell us what you think about political systems — the kinks, the occasional beacons of *hope*, your run-ins with The Law. Let’s match the airs of modern day with a sizzling, politically charged fourth issue! But also, as always, send us anything you’ve been working on, regardless of political content. We’ll make a luxurious home for it.

That’s all for us. We will be your trusty poll watchers, drooling over the Votemeal results as they crowd our inbox. And surely you know that we have experience with watching pots boil and oats congeal. That is an integral part of the beautiful, beautiful process here in Oatmeal Headquarters. Send us your pieces by next Sunday, July 29th!

Rock the Votemeal!
Master Oatmeal’s Campaign Managers

June 8, 2012

Still making all kinds of fibrous connections

Dearest friends,

It has been far, far too long! But what is time, really, in this “Information Age”? Isn’t the most important thing the heartiness of your oatmeal, the warmth of your editors, the throbbing heart of your favorite literary magazine? Because we have all of those things in bushels. Before we get too mushy and over-saturate our oats with flax milk, here is a little list to keep you hooked on Oatmeal. Or to hook you back in. You don’t have to tell us which one applies. We’re also a little rusty in blogland, so we will try to keep things succinct and delectable.

From the day we started (now over a year ago! more on celebrating in our upcoming post, though perhaps tea cupthis is a mini celebration of sorts), we have been (er, Claire has been) obsessively checking our site stats almost every day. And, for those of you who are unfamiliar, WordPress allows you to see the search engine terms that guide little internet ducklings to our site.

It’s pretty neat to see what kinds of tendrils we’ve unknowingly extended into the cyber world, and the many (sometimes hilarious) ways in which curious internet voyagers have grabbed on and connected to us. Only connect… Ah, thank you, marvelous people, for continuing to find us! Without further adieu, a list!

Our Eleven Favorite Cyber Trails that Have Led Folks to Oatmeal Magazine (in no particular order):

1. bed sheets [This one appeared three times!]
2. oatmeal+and+poop+string+like
3. 3rd grade clipper ship models
4. how do i market my figurine?
5. why if two teeths in front is broken, people have projectile vomiting.why?
6. peru squat poop hike
7. breakfast of champions literary tripe
8. marakesh big ass image
9. switching to oatmeal makes you poop
10. unbloomed oak tree [Poetic!]
11. oatmeal poppers [Future recipe idea?! not sure what that would entail, but something amazing.]

All righty, well, there are some common (some may say string-like) threads in that list. Perhaps our search engine terms will etch out a new pattern this year!

A more informative post, featuring the magnificent Master Oatmeal, will be up within the week, detailing our next moves, summer announcements, and, of course, imploring you to submit writing for our summer issue! Stay tuned.

To leave you for the night, here is a photo from our Issue 3: Camp Oatmeal release party at Analog Books (thank you to everyone who made it such a wonderful, festive evening! For more photos, check out our Facebook album! And if you haven’t yet, it’s never too late to read it!):


Warmly, like a field of sun-soaked Scottish oats,
The Dames of Oatmealshire

March 20, 2012

ISSUE #3: Camp Oatmeal!

Ladies and gentlemen of Oatmealshire,

After crossing the treacherous sea, Master Oatmeal landed safely back to Oatmeal HQ and into our loving and outstretched arms. We laughed, we cried, and we secretly hoped we’d never see him again, what with all the post-production work he pushed onto us during the release of the last issue. But before any of us could open our sagging eyes and our cracked mouths, Monsieur Oatmeal bounced into his candy red Oldsmobile and drove jollily away, with pins on his chest and sunscreen on his arms. Where was Mr. Oatmeal going this time, you ask?

Why, he went to camp!

Just in time for the spring bloom, Oatmeal Magazine provides you with the perfect amount of sunshine and sundries that’ll make you ache for summertime. While you’re trudging through the showers in black and purple rainboots, Oatmeal Magazine chills by the pool, casually sipping from ice-cold mint juleps and laughing pretentiously, as such: “oh ho ho ho ho ho…”

Or, whereas some people may be tearing their hair up for the next job or test to come their way, Oatmeal Magazine has calmly bypassed that postgraduate career stress in order to do the most fulfilling thing a recent graduate with a BA in English literature can do these days: be a camp counselor.

And trust us, he’s in good company. In this issue you’ll find more poetry, more fiction, and more nonfiction than ever before (EVER. BEFORE.). So stroll on over to Issue 3 to go your way.

This just in: CAMP OATMEAL has burst from the e-publishing womb! And it is screaming to be read. The dames and I have endured quite a long few nights here in Oatmeal Headquarters – come celebrate with us tonight from 6-8 at the CAMP OATMEAL release&reading at Analog Books! We will enjoy some oaty wassails and treats and some of the finest storytelling! Bring your writing, your friends, and perhaps a pillow. (We might be napping backstage.) In any case, cozy up and read all of the wonderful works that have nestled their way into our THIRD issue!

January 31, 2012

Get your duffle and packing list ready: We’re off to CAMP OATMEAL!

Hellooooo, our dear Oatmeal Devotees!

You must have thought that we’d sheepishly slunk back to our origins in Scotland, but we have just been tussling with the postal service. The first draft of this incredibly informative, hilarious post got lost in the shuffle, so now we have to write this inferior substitute. Ah, fools! A postcard from your favorite editors should also arrive in the next couple of days. Our most profuse apologies for the delay, we know you all have been so anxiously awaiting our return to internet land. But here we sit, ready to discuss the import/export of oats and, as always, to read and publish your scribbles, quips, painterly stories, blistering memoirs, and drool-drenched recipes.

Our third issue will be themed CAMP OATMEAL. All things outdoorsy are welcome! Poems about a cyprus tree with a knot that looks like your dad, accounts of tentless camping in a rain forest, a recipe for the tastiest bowl of oatmeal you ever lapped up after a morning dip in an icy river. Or go for tales of summer camp and friendship and romance, all those embarrassing moments – projectile vomiting your split pea soup at the lake, rolling in mud to receive care packages full of unsalted Brazil nuts… Send it all our way! Anything you got, fiction or nonfiction. Even the forlorn letters that you wrote to your friends as they sang and bonded at camp and you stayed home to feed your grandma’s cat, Noodles.

And continue to send us things not camp-related. A bowl of oatmeal is nothing without a swirl of miscellany. Join us ’round the campfire for some soulful, atonally belted songs and the obligatory oatmeal stout. Our deadline is February 26th. We may also have a release party at Analog Books in the works. Stay tuned! And patient, as always.

Our final hot bit of news is our second flash (non)fiction contest! Guess the theme. No, guess again. Okay, okay. It’s Camp Oatmeal! Go wild! Go campy! Write your heart out!

It’s wonderful to be back. We won’t leave you hanging like that ever again. Master Oatmeal really struggled with the separation anxiety. We did, too.

Can’t wait to bundle up with you all under the starry, open sky,
The Dames of Oatmealshire

October 25, 2011

Bare away from the oatless gales, OATMEAL AT SEA HAS WASHED ASHORE!

Master Oatmeal here, reporting to you all once again. Boy, has it been a while! And a busy while at that. We’ve had a hot and treacherous couple of days here at Oatmeal Headquarters, from steaming presses to sparking computers, emotional breakdowns to delirious, caffeine-induced jubilant cries of successful hyperlinking. And we’ve been confined, hunched over in the close, close quarters of the great Oatmeal Schooner, all to produce this fine bundle of mishmash oatmeal – a hodgepodge of steel cut and rolled oats, flax meal and hemp seeds, peanut butter and cinnamon, honey and apples. . . Anything and everything that makes a bowl o’ oats hearty and essential to start your morning right! And a magazine to make your day, every day.

As an apology for our long absence and to celebrate the new issue, we are revealing Oatmeal Headquarters to the public this Friday at 5! Perhaps I will even make an appearance. Come to La Burrita on Euclid – there will be merriment, discussions of all things literary, but mostly not, pitchers of beer (that we sadly can’t subsidize), and Mexican food. The first 75 participants will get a limited edition Oatmeal bookmark!

Without further ado, the second issue: Oatmeal at Sea.

September 6, 2011

Testing the Mixed Media Waters

It’s time for you all to come up through the hawse-pipe, our dearest, oatiest deckhands!

Oatmeal Magazine is about to rock the literary magazine boat. We are blogging here today to offer a nautical music video of inspiration, one that will guide your sputtering tugboat through the fog to its snug, cozy berth. Michael Litwak, a third-year film student at NYU Tisch, has bestowed upon us a chest of Oatmeal at Sea gold. Collaborating with Santa Cruz-based band The Nocturnes, he wrote and directed this haunting video of a boatswain imagining the wild life, perhaps of his former days, aboard and tumbling about tumultuous waves. Fantasies rise from muck and settle back into the mire of his troubled mind for this beautifully eerie song “Cradle”.

Keep up the good work, Michael!

Remember folks, Oatmeal at Sea is on the horizon! SEPTEMBER 18TH — send us your yarns, stay tuned to your maritime radios.

Your most loyal skippers — through delusions, swamps, and beyond,

The Oatmeal Dames

July 20, 2011


BREAKING NEWS. Mr. Oatmeal here, typing during the wee hours of the night to convey to you this very special message.

As you may have known, it’s been a very hectic 24 hours here at Oatmeal HQ. Commanders in Chief Claire and Trisha have been scrambling to put together the finest works (created by a lot of you!) known to man, works that will not only withstand the test of time but the test of cyberspace itself. It’s been a long long road of wordpressing and doodling, but as RAW OATS!: ORIGINS comes straight off the digital press and into your welcoming lap(top), we couldn’t be more proud.

In this first issue, you will find narratives of pensive mornings, drifting afternoons, and quiet sunsets; you will find love, loss, and unlikely friendship; you will find elation, you will find wonder, you will find a corncake recipe, you will find how to move.

We encourage you to get lost in the maze we’ve made, and to click to your heart’s desire. We extend our hearty thanks to all of the contributors to this issue, who had to put up with frazzled responses, arrogant editorialship (sorriez!), and the insertion of sometimes-fitting, sometimes-breakfasting doodles into your pieces.

What’s going to happen from here? Well, we hope to continue our quest to share the oatmeal. We will always be looking for submissions and for suggestions, for tips and tricks of the trade, for new oatmeal recipes, for facebook friends. But without further ado, we present to you


Featuring work by:

Roxanne Glick, Rory Meagher, Claire Stringer, James Piacentini, Travis Bill, Teddy Forscher, Aubrey Brickzin, Matt Senate, Stacey Uykimpang, Alex Taitague, Ivonne Arias, Katie McCarthy, and band of anonymouses.

What are you waiting for? Click away!

July 6, 2011

Currently Digesting Submissions!

Well, things are all abuzz here at Oatmeal Headquarters. The submission deadline just passed for the first issue, entitled RAW OATS: ORIGINS! (But no worries, we’re still actively looking for your flash fiction, poetry, recipes, anecdotes and doodles. Send them our way at!) Yes, it seems that Independence Day has brought us an abundance of literary mishmash for us to sink our teeth into.

In the next couple of weeks we plan to go into hibernation, in order to read through and organize the next few monthly issues. We’ll still be replying to e-mails, updating the Facebook and tweeting on Twitter, so if you need some friendly oatmeal advice then look no further! In the meantime, sit back, eat some gourmet popcorn, and wait for the release of


JULY 20, 2011

Brought to you by Oatmeal Magazine,

A Literary Breakfast of Champions


Oatmeal Magazine

June 4, 2011

Launching a Magazine: Shootin’ the Sh**

Hey, Trisha here.

We’re really excited about the launch of this blog/literary mag, and we’re glad you’ve come to join and watch this electrifying attempt to get an online (and offline-ish) literary magazine up and running. I say electrifying not because this process is going to be particularly exciting or spectacular, but I say it because Claire and I don’t really know what the crap we’re doing. And given our award-winning personalities (less like Sonny and Cher; more like Piglet and Eeyore) and partiality towards clumsiness, who knows–we might indeed be electrified along the way.

Claire and I met in a creative writing class at UC Berkeley, and have been dreaming about a literary magazine ever since Claire wrote a shockingly hilarious piece about a woman who finds self-love in the ears of her rabbit-shaped vibrator. You see, we envisioned a magazine that wouldn’t think twice about publishing stories like this (even though it should…). The magazine we dreamed about would be full of hilarious fiction, seriously quirky essays, passionate odes to fruit, and more. It would be a receptacle for our most embarrassing marching-band-locker-room sex stories, 2003 livejournal rants, middle-school hopes and fears set stolidly against the anguish and loserdom of today. We want to write (and read) about the things we do in our daily lives, magnified to a sarcastic and an endearing light. What’s beautiful and true, and also ridiculous.

So how do we go about this? Well, hell if we know. As I write this blog entry, Claire’s busy drawing our logo and illustrations. I’m writing a goal-timeline doodad. We’re figuring out how to make ourselves into an actual campus-sponsored org. We don’t have any money but we have lots of ideas: we’re thinking of posters, oatmeal-eating contests, anonymous joke boxes, anything and everything! We’re dreamin’ big and starting really small.

Pretty soon we’ll be moving to a more official website domain. In the meantime, if you subscribe to this blog, you’ll get your literary fill, and you’ll be notified about our mini-contests from time to time. (Exciting!)

If you’d like to write or report about something you care about, some new event or book that fills you with joy, then by all means e-mail Claire and Trisha at and we’ll share it with the world. We aren’t that special, but we do have heart! And that’s all that really matters in this tiny vacuum of a wordpress blog, now, isn’t it?