Master Oatmeal: Promoting literacy and reforming breakfast nation-wide

Fellow Oatmeal Party rank-and-file!

Look what time it is (12:00am on Monday, July 23rd). We are a mere week away from our FOURTH submission deadline! (***Sunday, July 29th!***) We are also in the thick of Master Oatmeal’s whistle-stop presidential campaign, which is going as smoothly as warm apple butter on whole grain toast, or, some may say, as the Oat Express traverses America.

Master Oatmeal has been doing some big things for our nation this month. We sent him off with a cross-country coach ticket for the novel and winding Oat Express, a bottle of bubbly and some fine dessert oat pancakes tucked into his insulated lunchbox. On said train, he has been distributing Word of Oatmeal pamphlets, pontificating atop empty seats and planting literary seeds in the nooks and crannies of this lovely land of ours.

At every stop, in every little town (especially those that specialize in oat agriculture), he hops off and enjoys a slice of apple pie, then hosts a reading (of Oatmeal Magazine, of course) in a bookstore, followed by a writing workshop with his fleet of tutors. He will not sleep as long as the United States sheepishly cedes to its ranking of 46th most literate in the world! Master Oatmeal is the literary pioneer who, wild turkey quill in hand, will lead us all to a brighter, more educated nation — to the America of that oft-referred Tomorrow. In addition to his main push for education and literacy, he emphasizes the importance of healthy communities: he cooks everyone a big pot of flax-rich oatmeal before he skips town and continues along the campaign trail, gracefully leaping aboard the Oat Express, waving his handkerchief and blowing kisses from his open window. His campaign can be mapped by trails of spilt oats.

He has exhausted his carrier doves, flooding the Oatmeal HQ mailbox with delightful postcards in which he describes adorable children’s tales about vegetable detectives and neurotic dinosaurs. Here is one of those postcards (he’s also learning how to water color):

In any case, back to Votemeal matters. WE HAVE A FLASH FICTION CONTEST UNDERWAY! This is your chance to write a manifesto for anything. Anything! The deadline for that is Saturday, August 4th.

We also want your non-flash writerly bits! Tell us what you think about political systems — the kinks, the occasional beacons of *hope*, your run-ins with The Law. Let’s match the airs of modern day with a sizzling, politically charged fourth issue! But also, as always, send us anything you’ve been working on, regardless of political content. We’ll make a luxurious home for it.

That’s all for us. We will be your trusty poll watchers, drooling over the Votemeal results as they crowd our inbox. And surely you know that we have experience with watching pots boil and oats congeal. That is an integral part of the beautiful, beautiful process here in Oatmeal Headquarters. Send us your pieces by next Sunday, July 29th!

Rock the Votemeal!
Master Oatmeal’s Campaign Managers