Archive for June, 2012

June 28, 2012

The time has come, folks, to rock the VOTEMEAL: The Political Issue!

Good evening, our fellow breakfast enthusiasts.

This is a public service announcement from your friends here at Oatmeal Headquarters. As you may know, we aim for democracy within these walls abristle with whims and ideas. But not all ships are run quite as tightly as that of Oatmeal Magazine, clipping along the frothy waves with the exuberance of one thousand giggling babies. No, there is a whole gamut of political structures and tangles out there in that wild, bustling world. And we want to make Oatmeal’s Issue #4 all about it! And thus we invite you to join us in Votemeal: The Political Issue. The submission deadline is one month away: Sunday, July 29th!

While we are giddy about this whole new flavor for the magazine, we are also always open to all things oatmealbowloutside of our theme. Especially in this case. George Orwell wrote, “it is invariably where I lacked a political purpose that I wrote lifeless books and was betrayed into purple passages, sentences without meaning, decorative adjectives and humbug generally.” Well, we kinda like humbug and decorative adjectives, but he also suggests that (purposeful) writing is inherently political! We make choices for each delicate little word, much like we select our leaders… voting is a way to express yourself, and Oatmeal is a space for voices to be heard! Submit your voice! Rock the votemeal! We will feed you in so many ways.

In a dawn humid with the mists of transition and debate, we at Oatmeal HQ felt our bellies contracting, our lips twitching, our palms perspiring. We had that undeniable urge to do something, as they say. So we concluded that the time had come — perhaps this comes as no surprise to some of you (true fans) out there — for Master Oatmeal to run for president. It is indeed a tremendous game-changer. We know what you’re thinking. “How can he possibly catch up with Obama and Romney with so little time to fundraise?” And for that brief cloud of anxiety, we apologize. But we will make up for lost time! That’s where you, most faithful oatmeal eaters, come in. Master Oatmeal, upon agreeing to run, insisted that we set up a Super PAC so that he could do some damage with supremely breakfasty fundraising (can anyone say “Grand Slam?”).

The Oatmeal Party has spoken. We endorse Master Oatmeal. And we hope that you will, too.

While traditional submissions will certainly serve as generous, gourmet endorsements (really! as always!), we are also looking for real money, if you have even the measliest jingle of pocket change to spare. (PayPal account coming in 3 days! Be sure to come back!) Don’t you want a “Rock the Votemeal” shirt, with Master Oatmeal’s face on it, and other amazing Oatmeal swag? We sure do. Don’t you want our next ongoing project, OatMAIL, to be totally fabulous? Well. We have news for you. These things will be wonderful. Because we love you all!

A word on OatMAIL: If you want to receive real-life, tactile letters from us with scraps of ideas, doodles, prints, and stamps… thank you. That is so incredibly flattering. We hope to receive mail from you, too! Here is a link to our OatMAIL sign-up. This has been bubbling in the Crockpot for far too long.

Forthcoming: Exciting news on our changin’ management! Master Oatmeal’s official poster image, quotes from his steamily tense debates, and all of his political views in a compact presidential candidate profile! We will have polls, we will have puns. Nourish his Super PAC, and you will win access to a beautiful magazine when it’s released and, if you so desire, a package of OatMAIL!

That was a lot of information. Go treat yourself to a snack! Then get back to writing.

Master Oatmeal’s approval ratings of you are through the ROOF,
The Oatmeal Clan

June 8, 2012

Still making all kinds of fibrous connections

Dearest friends,

It has been far, far too long! But what is time, really, in this “Information Age”? Isn’t the most important thing the heartiness of your oatmeal, the warmth of your editors, the throbbing heart of your favorite literary magazine? Because we have all of those things in bushels. Before we get too mushy and over-saturate our oats with flax milk, here is a little list to keep you hooked on Oatmeal. Or to hook you back in. You don’t have to tell us which one applies. We’re also a little rusty in blogland, so we will try to keep things succinct and delectable.

From the day we started (now over a year ago! more on celebrating in our upcoming post, though perhaps tea cupthis is a mini celebration of sorts), we have been (er, Claire has been) obsessively checking our site stats almost every day. And, for those of you who are unfamiliar, WordPress allows you to see the search engine terms that guide little internet ducklings to our site.

It’s pretty neat to see what kinds of tendrils we’ve unknowingly extended into the cyber world, and the many (sometimes hilarious) ways in which curious internet voyagers have grabbed on and connected to us. Only connect… Ah, thank you, marvelous people, for continuing to find us! Without further adieu, a list!

Our Eleven Favorite Cyber Trails that Have Led Folks to Oatmeal Magazine (in no particular order):

1. bed sheets [This one appeared three times!]
2. oatmeal+and+poop+string+like
3. 3rd grade clipper ship models
4. how do i market my figurine?
5. why if two teeths in front is broken, people have projectile vomiting.why?
6. peru squat poop hike
7. breakfast of champions literary tripe
8. marakesh big ass image
9. switching to oatmeal makes you poop
10. unbloomed oak tree [Poetic!]
11. oatmeal poppers [Future recipe idea?! not sure what that would entail, but something amazing.]

All righty, well, there are some common (some may say string-like) threads in that list. Perhaps our search engine terms will etch out a new pattern this year!

A more informative post, featuring the magnificent Master Oatmeal, will be up within the week, detailing our next moves, summer announcements, and, of course, imploring you to submit writing for our summer issue! Stay tuned.

To leave you for the night, here is a photo from our Issue 3: Camp Oatmeal release party at Analog Books (thank you to everyone who made it such a wonderful, festive evening! For more photos, check out our Facebook album! And if you haven’t yet, it’s never too late to read it!):


Warmly, like a field of sun-soaked Scottish oats,
The Dames of Oatmealshire